


Our Hearts of Ruin

by thedeadflag



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Cheating, Costume Parties & Masquerades, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Euphemisms, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Masquerade Ball, NaNoWriMo 2017, Trans Female Character, please pardon my very rusty and shitty handle of the french language, so many euphemisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-12
Updated: 2017-11-12
Packaged: 2019-02-01 11:28:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12704100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedeadflag/pseuds/thedeadflag
Summary: When Clarke is dumped by her now ex-boyfriend with less than a week to go until the big Winter Masquerade Ball, maybe she's a little heartbroken. Still, she paid for her ticket, and the glorious power of spite motivates her to go, to prove Finn didn't break her. However, when she finds that she's not alone in her heartbreak, Clarke decides that maybe she could use the anonymity of the masquerade to heal together with Anya.





	Our Hearts of Ruin

"Come on, Clarke. Just be reasonable...there's no need to skip the ball."

It was exasperating, really, that he was pushing this particular point for the fifth time since he arrived, and she knew her best friend meant well, but he wasn't the one freshly broken up with by an ex that seemed entirely indifferent to her pain. He wasn't told he was frigid and lacking. She was allowed to mope.

And she was certainly allowed to skip the formal dance she'd been looking forward to enjoying with Finn for months.

"Give me a reason to go." Clarke let out in a groan, rolling onto her stomach and burying her face in her pillow. She really didn't want to hear anything, but Wells never let her be until he'd said what we felt he needed to, so she needed to get through that before she could have some peace and quiet.

"All your friends will be there." Wells started, forcing her eyes to roll from the notion of that being a draw.

She loved her friends, dearly loved them, but they'd thrown her nonstop pity parties since Finn dumped her, and she couldn't take being stuck at the ball with them, watching them be romantic and have fun while she felt miserable, feeling their pitying stares burning at her skin whenever they turned their attention to her.

Hard pass.

"And I'll be there with Emori. Monty and Miller will be there too, same with Bellamy and Gina. Octavia's bringing Lincoln, so that should be fun. And while I know you're not a fan of his sister Anya, she'll be there with Harper, and I know you two get along well. And Jasper's going solo, so you can have fun with him." Wells continued, painting an even less alluring picture.

She'd never really been friends with Jasper; he'd always come across as a bit of a creep to her, and he'd done nothing to dispel that impression. The idea of spending most of the dance with him hovering nearby only entrenched her decision to stay home.

And then there was Anya, her political rival who this past Monday had bested her in the student association election for vice-president.  Anya, who had literally smacked her in the face with mud out of the blue one day for 'running a dirty campaign'. Anya, who was always frosty around her, always putting on a superior air around her. Anya, who essentially won on the campaign promise of heated bus stop shelters, and on saving students a tiny bit on tuition fees by shifting to a different cheaper insurance provider with a bad record on reproductive health coverage and trans healthcare coverage, among other cuts. Anya, who by default won the vote of the transphobes on campus simply because her opponent was a trans woman, and did nothing to dissuade them from voting by their bigotry.

So while Anya was absolutely passionate, and intelligent, and stunningly beautiful, and in all technicality a part of her extended friend group, maybe Clarke just couldn't really stand the girl. Harper was a sweet enough girl, and kind of fun to hang out with, but not enough to spend a night enduring Anya for.

"Lastly, you already paid for your ticket. You may as well use it." Wells stated, not exactly winning her over. "Come on, Clarke. You know it'd be good to get out and about...who knows, you might meet someone new."

"Are you telling me to get over Finn by getting under someone new? _Wells Jaha_..."

She could practically feel the heat of his blush from the other side of the bed. "Let's not be drastic. I'm just saying...you deserve someone better than him, and he'll have won if you skip the ball because of him. Don't give him that power...he didn't earn it, and he's not worth it."

Clarke let out a sigh, knowing that maybe he had a point. Just maybe. Spite was a hell of a drug, and Finn absolutely didn't deserve to come out of this smelling like roses, like he'd succeeded in casting her aside. Maybe it'd be good to show him what a mistake he'd made, and what a mistake she'd made in dating him in the first place when _he_ was the one that was lacking.

Still, she couldn't accomplish that when her friends would be shining the pity spotlight on her all night. She needed to get out from under that somehow.

"Fine, fine. I'll be there. I might fly solo for a bit before meeting up with you all, though." Clarke conceded, rolling her eyes at Wells' hardly suppressed cheer. She didn't need to see him to know he'd pumped his fist. "Now you should get going. Emori's been off work for five, and you don't want to delay your Thursday movie nights."

"Yeah, I think I need to stop by the grocery store first, anyways, so I should head out. You still up to help me study tomorrow?" He asked, reminding her of the promise she'd made a few days earlier.

Clarke rolled onto her back. "You'd think that when you finish your finals, you won't have to worry about studying for a while, but yeah, I'm game." She'd finished her last one that morning, while Wells had his last one on Friday morning, so helping him out tomorrow in prep for the next day's exam was simply the right thing to do, given how they'd leaned on each other through mid-terms already.

"Sounds good. I'll see you tomorrow...you just rest up, okay? If you feel down, or if you need..."

"...I'll call you. Don't worry." Clarke interjected, waving him off as he headed out of her room.

It'd been two long days full of endless, exhausting talking, and Clarke was definitely starting to feel the consequences of that, a migraine starting to take form. Her mom and her friends meant well, but she really could use the rest after a strenuous exam schedule across the past two weeks.

With a tired huff, she sat up and ambled off her bed, her body sluggish and aching as she made her way out of her room and into the nearby bathroom. Clarke aimlessly opened cabinets, trying to find her migraine medication, deciding to give herself a smack upside the head tomorrow for inexplicably putting it in the cabinet beside the q-tips.

Clarke was just about to close the cabinet door when something caught her eye. In particular, the boxes of hair dye from her eventually abandoned notion of moving away from her natural blonde. In the end, she'd been a little too chicken to dye it, not wanting to take the risk of ultimately looking flat-out ridiculous.

Now, though, with the masquerade ball coming up that Friday night, she had a feeling it might be good to make a change and show some evidence of her fresh start. She stared at the boxes of black hair dye and shook her head, not really feeling that. She wanted something a little more vibrant.

 _Something like red..._ she mused, thinking up what last minute changes she could make in prep for the ball. _Red is a good colour._

* * *

 

To say Anya Pine was in a good mood would be a severe understatement.

It'd been a long semester, but with finals over, she was ready for all the stress and worries to melt away, and it seemed her girlfriend was on the same wavelength, practically emanating relief and excitement. It'd been a hard semester, too many days where they were two ships passing in the night, too many missed connections and aborted date nights due to studying and assignments and labs.

But Harper was radiant tonight, so beautiful, and wearing her favourite perfume. Just knowing her girlfriend was back to her old happy self had Anya feeling fantastically optimistic about the night ahead. It'd been so long since she'd had a nice night out with Harper, and they both really deserved one after the last two months of grinding their way through life.

The venue was a ways out of town at an old manor, which wasn't ideal, but it allowed her the excuse of getting a limo for them and their group, bringing Lexa, Costia, Roan, Luna, Lincoln, and Octavia with them. It'd been so long since she'd had any real time to spend with her friends, and as she looked around the interior of the limo, she had a strong feeling that they had a great night ahead of them.

Eventually, the limo slowed to a halt, signaling they'd arrived, letting them slowly pool out of the vehicle. Harper took hold of her hand offering her a bright smile that had her heart fluttering.

"Hey, I'm gonna go off ahead and see if Raven, Monty, and Clarke are here. Save a seat for me?" Anya couldn't fathom why Harper spent as much time around Clarke as she did; Lexa liked to joke that she wasn't sure who Harper voted for with how much time she spent around her rival during the election campaign. Still, Harper did see something worthwhile in the bunch, even Clarke, and Anya wasn't one to tell her who she could or couldn't be friends with.

Besides, they had all night. What was a few minutes spent catching up with an obnoxious idealist and her friends?

"Of course." Anya let out, leaning closer for a kiss, but Harper practically bolted off, leaving her hanging. It'd happened a few times in recent weeks, nothing she took to heart, or at least not too much. Still, it always stung, and she'd hoped that with finals over, her girlfriend would start returning to her affectionate self.

Anya took a steadying breath and nodded to herself. She could be patient. She _would_ be patient for Harper.

"She running off to catch up with Raven?" Her brother asked, Lincoln stepping up beside her. Anya just nodded, waiting for Lexa and Costia to slip out of the limo before heading in. "Those two are wild cards together. We'll be lucky if they don't find a way to burn the place down before the end of the night."

Anya laughed and gave him a shove. "They're not _that_ bad. Or, well, Harper's at least responsible enough to keep a fire extinguisher nearby."

"I'd be surprised if all of them showed up, Clarke especially, after everything." Octavia noted, staring off toward the mansion. Maybe Anya's curiosity was piqued at the thought of Clarke not being present tonight. She could only hope. "And with the way Finn did her dirty, he probably shouldn't be here tonight, either."

Anya's brow furrowed at the anger in Octavia's voice. She didn't know her brother's girlfriend incredibly well, but she'd only ever seen the girl so mad on one other occasion. It was a little worrying. "Did they break up?"

Octavia opened her mouth as if to answer, but her jaw clamped shut quickly, the girl tapping Lincoln's bicep before marching off toward the building in a huff. If Anya wasn't concerned before, she certainly was now.

"Don't worry about her, she's just worked up about it all. She's not angry at you, she just knows you don't like when she curses up a storm around you." Lincoln clarified, making some sense of the matter. While she hadn't thought Octavia was angry with her, it was good to have confirmation. "There's been...talk going around that Finn had been cheating on her for a while now. He dumped her cold a few days back, and was kind of brutal about it when she asked why. For her sake, I hope she's not here, because I'm pretty sure he will be. Probably with whoever he's been sneaking around with."

Anya's stomach dropped at the news, not understanding how someone could be cruel in a break-up. There was no rhyme or reason for that sort of behaviour, and even if she didn't like Clarke, the girl wasn't deserving of such callous treatment.

"I think I need a drink. I'm sympathizing with Clarke Griffin." She scoffed, thankful that Lexa and Costia were finally leaving the vehicle. "Come on, let's head in."

"You know, you're not campaigning against her anymore. You don't have to pretend to hate her." Costia said as they headed through the garden to the patio area.

"She compared me to _republicans_. She practically called me a _fascist_ with how she went on about how horrible I must be to campaign for what I did. I think I'm allowed to hate her for that." Anya shot back, entirely justified in her stance on her short-lived political rival.

Lexa wrapped an arm around her shoulders, tugging her closer as they made their way to the entrance of the building's atrium. "She was really angry about your promise on healthcare. What's thirty-nine dollars per term to keep better healthcare coverage?" Lexa asked, entirely ignoring that she based that part of her platform on students complaining about spending so much on healthcare coverage. She literally based eighty-percent of her platform on what she knew the student population were interested in. That didn't make her a fascist. "I mean, to you, it's nothing. But COLife Insurance doesn't cover a lot of what our current one does...you're not the one losing access to a twenty-five thousand dollar surgery and important medication, but she would be."

"It's what the people wanted. Voted the third most important issue in the surveys I ran. Reducing compulsory fees like through athletics, healthcare plans, and admin fees. Since I can't touch athletics or clubs, something will have to get cut. It's not my fault." Anya challenged, earning a reluctant shrug from her cousin.

"I'm just saying. The stakes are low for you. She'll be losing her healthcare coverage. COLife doesn't cover birth control implants or morning after pills, so that's going to hurt people, too. It doesn't cover PrEP and some other drugs to help people with HIV and AIDS. Their dental plans are bare bones, and they don't cover as much of the cost for prescription meds." Lexa continued, giving her a little extra squeeze. "You could find that thirty-nine dollars somewhere else."

While she could see Lexa's point, she still took umbrage to Clarke's words. However, maybe she could go to bat against the athletics department and squeeze a bit of money out of that black hole.

"I'll take it under consideration." Anya stated, hoping it'd appease her cousin.

The inside of the atrium was decorated in soft, warm tones and lighting, casting the rather large area in a more intimate, classy light. It was a nice change of pace, having experienced a masquerade party that ended up more of a rave than anything; she could hear some soft jazz music playing from somewhere, which she much preferred.

Anya glanced around, scanning the area for her girlfriend. There were already probably a bit over a hundred present, even so early on, but orange wasn't exactly a common colour. Still, as she scanned the crowd, she didn't see her girlfriend's dress, or the bright orange and white feathered mask, either.

She did, however, see Raven and her friends off on the other side of the atrium, the aforementioned girl not wearing a mask of any sort. Not that Anya was particularly needy, but the more time she could spend with her girlfriend that night, the better, so she made her way over.

"Raven, did you see where Harper went?" She asked as she approached, halfway intruding on whatever Raven and Monty were laughing about.

Raven shot her a curious look and shrugged. "Didn't know you two were here. Tell her to come find me when you do, though, Monty wants to show her something he's been working on."

It didn't make much sense. The atrium wasn't so small that it made it difficult to tell who was where. The room could easily fit three hundred. "Are Clarke and the others here as well?"

"Wells said he convinced her to come, but I haven't seen her yet. He's over on the west side of the room with Emori and Octavia." Raven pointed in their direction, which also had a lack of orange.

"Thank you. I'll make sure Harper comes and checks on you when I find her. She's probably just in the washroom." Anya offered before heading out of the atrium and deeper into the building, in pursuit of the facilities. Some of the ornaments on Harper's dress and mask had been a little frail and prone to falling off, so it was probably just a wardrobe malfunction again.

With the upstairs area blocked off, she was pretty sure it wouldn't take too long to figure out where Harper went.

* * *

 

Clarke wasn't sure what was burning away in her stomach, probably regret or anxiety, maybe both. Either way, she had designs of just carefully leaving the washroom, sneaking out of the building, and catching a cab home. Expensive or not, wasted effort or not, she really wasn't feeling the upbeat, social mood of the party.

Spite had gotten her to buy a new dress, new makeup, a new mask, new gloves, new everything. Her friends expected her to be wearing blue, with golden blonde hair, but she was a red-head in a black lace number, letting her be relatively anonymous, but even then, she just wasn't feeling up to spending hours at a party and generally feeling like shit.

Clarke opened up her bag and peered down at the makeup wipes there, wondering if maybe she should just clear her face off. Between the black eye mask covered in beads and lace, the black lace veil covering the lower half of her face, and the black eyeshadow she'd applied liberally around her eyes to obscure her face even more, she was fairly certain no one would recognize her even if she got rid of the makeup.

Still, when she heard a body impact against the bathroom door, Clarke made quick work of scurrying into one of the stalls and locking herself inside.

"Babe, there's a doorknob, you've gotta turn it." She heard someone laugh, and then the door was open, two pairs of feet shuffling around, the duo clearly searching for a space to make-out.  With the lack of hiding places available, she couldn't really blame them for deciding the washroom was the best play.

Besides, she needed a little more time to make up her mind on staying or going, anyways.

Being good friends with Octavia and Lincoln, it was pretty easy to let the sounds of a heated embrace fade off into the background as she checked her phone to see if there were any cabs or Ubers nearby. After a few minutes and nothing but long estimated commute times, she put her phone back in her bag, frustrated with her own indecision. _I promised Wells I'd show up tonight...and I do want to see him and spend time with everyone, just...not the whole night. I can't take the looks I've been getting from them, not for the next four or five hours._ She mused, the prospect of staying looking more unpleasant by the moment. _I think I just need to bail. Send Wells a text, apologize for a no show, and just...wait outside for a cab to arrive. Maybe then I..._

"Shit, are you close? I told Anya I'd only be gone a few minutes." The voice from earlier spoke, much clearer now that there wasn't a thick wooden door between them. Clarke had to hold back her gasp at Harper cheating on the ice queen. She could smell the sex in the air, and as much of a robot as Anya could be, she didn't deserve to be cheated on. No one did.

She hadn't thought Harper capable of that kind of deception. Feeling sympathy for Anya wasn't really something she'd experienced before, but the last thing the world needed right when was the both of them being heartbroken.

And when she heard the voice of her partner, it was as if her heart was drilling deeper into the recesses of her body, tears welling in her eyes from the betrayal and pain. "So close, babe. God, you feel so damn good. You're _always_ so fucking good."

The word 'always' echoed in her head as the scope of their betrayal became clear as day, and her stomach churned in kind to the disgusting act a few feet away. It was one thing to be caught in a stall while a random couple made out nearby. It was another for the guy who just dumped her and her close friend to fuck against the sinks while she was in hearing distance.

Now tuned in to what was happening, it wasn't hard to hear Finn's telltale signs that he was nearing climax, the strained grunts and arrhythmic thrusts giving that away. But she wasn't so focused on the duo that she didn't hear the clacking of heels approaching.

Or the creak of the door that apparently hadn't been closed all the way.

"Oh my god, Harper?!" Clarke would recognize Anya's voice anywhere, though the sheer agony in the girl's voice was new, Anya had never been one to express much emotion around her, but between her words and the sharp pained breaths afterward, she could hear Anya's heart splintering and shattering. "Collins?!"

Finn's telltale choked grunt followed a half second later, because of course he wouldn't stop just because there was an interruption. Of course.

"Anya, I can...it's..."

" _Don't_." Anya growled, apparently having escalated to anger quickly enough. Not that Clarke blamed her, she was feeling more than a little incensed herself. "I'm leaving before I commit multiple felonies and ruin my political career before it even started. You both can go fuck yourselves."

Despite her clear attempt to sound controlled, Clarke could hear the pain and grief in Anya's voice, so when the girl stormed out, with Harper and Finn following suit shortly after in haste, Clarke knew she had something worth staying for, now.

Because maybe she and Anya hadn't gotten along incredibly well in the past, but they were both hurting from this, and she had a feeling Anya could use some support and comfort at the moment. And honestly, with the power of spite coursing through her veins, maybe she could find some way to enact revenge as well.

For now, though, her heart went out to Anya, and she needed to make sure her rival was alright. No one deserved to deal with that sort of pain alone.

* * *

 

Everything burned.

The blood in her veins, the air in her lungs, the tears on her cheeks. It all burned as she found her way outside into the cold night air for some semblance of relief, but even it couldn't provide a balm to the searing sting that echoed through her with every beat of her heart.

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

She'd always been so open with Harper. Always open, and communicating, and constantly checking on her girlfriend to see if there was anything she could do to make their busier weeks better. Constantly shifting her schedule around to make more time, to force more time, so she could be with Harper and give her the time and attention she deserved.

And through it all, Harper had insisted everything was fine, that they were good and still going strong, and that she couldn't wait to go visit Anya's family during the holiday.

Lies.

Anya sat down hard atop the bench across from the fountain and gripped the cold wooden seat, trying to channel some of this sad fury, this betrayal, out of her body because it was so gosh-dang overwhelming. She felt full to the brim with it, like she could explode if she didn't find some relief soon.

She tried and failed to choke back the frustrated sob that clawed up her throat, let alone the ones that followed it, only adding more insult to injury that she couldn't control herself. No wonder Harper left her, if she was so darned weak.

It was a wonder that she heard the door shut through her crying, Anya pulling her mask off to wipe her tears away in hopes of not looking too pitiful to whoever had joined her out in the cold winter's night.

To her surprise, it was a Kleenex that first came into her line of sight, gloved fingers holding it out in front of her. "Thank you." She mumbled, taking it and dabbing away at her face, hoping she hadn't made too much of a mess of her makeup.

She expected some manner of words, soft and pitying, to spill out of her guest, but there was nothing. It all seemed a bit rude, not at least saying that she was welcome, but Anya waited until she had settled down a bit and wiped her tears away before peering up at the stranger.

Anya bit back a gasp at the sight of her, much too weak and much too gay to handle the glittery cleavage staring her in the face, let alone the way that the black lace mermaid gown accentuated every single curve on the woman before her. She caught herself staring a moment or two later and lifted her gaze to apologize, but the woman's mask covered nearly her entire face, and gave absolutely nothing away aside from the brilliant blue eyes gazing back at her through the eye holes. The deep rich red waves wreathing the woman's head didn't make it any easier to focus. God, why did she have to be so dang gay?

Rather than offering a stinging rebuke for her lack of manners, the woman gestured with her hand to the area beside her. Anya found herself nodding before she even understood what was going on, watching the woman gracefully turn and sit within an inch of her.

"Are you not cold?" Anya asked, knowing that if she wasn't wearing her faux fur stole, she'd probably be freezing.

The woman just shook her head before lifting a hand to wipe gently at Anya's cheek, stealing away another fallen tear. The woman cocked her head to the side in clear question, leaving Anya wondering if her guest was mute.

"It's...it's nothing to concern yourself with. I'm fine." Anya let out, her voice betraying her in her final assertion, shaking like a dang leaf.  She watched the woman's hand fall from her face and hover by her lap, palm upward. Anya opened her mouth, aiming to reassure the woman that she needn't be concerned, but those blue eyes were so damned soft, but not full of pity.

If anything, she saw pain swirling in them, alleviating some of the anxiety Anya felt about her breakdown. It was a little easier knowing the only witness was hurting as well. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to accept a tiny shred of comfort.

Anya placed her hand in the stranger's and soaked in the reassurance the woman's gentle grip offered. "Thank you."

The stranger nodded and brought her other hand to cover Anya's, gently stroking across the back of her hand, head tilting once again in question.

The last thing Anya wanted to do was bawl her eyes out to a random stranger, but between the roiling emotions inside of her and the tiny comfort offered to her, the floodgates were opening, and Anya wasn't sure if she could stop herself.

"My girlfriend cheated on me." She blurted out, eyes growing wide at the outburst, at how weak she was being. Her eyes only grew wider when she processed the new gentle weight against her shoulders, the stranger gentling leaning against her, offering yet another source of comfort.

It wasn't perfect, but it was what she needed. The last thing she could handle at the moment was a hug, so the gentle simple weight of her supporter? That had her heart calming slightly, some of her anxiety, hurt, and grief rolling out of her.

"She...she was fucking this...this absolute piece of filth! He literally just dumped this other poor girl, and was cruel from what I hear, and it's just...I thought we'd have a wonderful night, and she couldn't get away from me fast enough once we arrived, wanting to be with _him_." Anya vented, the fire inside her searching her throat and mouth and she spoke, but the frosty air soothed her, finally offering relief. Relief that let her higher faculties finally start functioning again, Anya putting the pieces together. "Harper and Finn were cheating on _both of us_. Of course...I... _god_ , how long was she lying to me? Telling me she loved me while she snuck off with _him_?"

The thought disgusted her, knowing she'd put so much time and effort into Harper, and her girlfriend couldn't even be civil and honest enough to break up with her. That she'd been just as blindsided as Clarke had been with Finn.

Her heart sunk with empathy for her former rival, wondering how she was tonight, hoping she hadn't come, that she wouldn't come, knowing what had happened. There was no sense in both of them having to deal with that truth tonight.

Anya let out a wet sigh, clenching her eyes shut to try and stem the tears. "I don't understand. Why is it so hard to find someone who actually wants me? Why am I always the one fighting to keep us together? Why am I never worth the effort?" She asked, knowing by now that her stranger wouldn't have an answer for her, at least not a verbal one. Still, the squeeze of her hand was nice. It was comforting. It let her know she wasn't just yelling into the void; someone cared to listen.

Someone cared.

"I mean...I'm a good person. Or, I try to be, at least. I listen. I communicate. I painstakingly figure out what makes my people happy, and I do my best to make sure they know how much I care. I give everything...every piece of me...to my partners. I love them with every beat of my heart, and all I ask for in return is honesty. That they let me know if I'm not giving them what they need, to let me know if their feelings change, to respect me enough to be up front with me about our relationship." Anya rambled, too far gone now to stop the steady flow of words from her stream of consciousness. "That's...she's the _third_ to cheat on me. I don't know what I've done to keep deserving this. I just don't understand."

Anya startled as the stranger's hand left her own, rising up to cup her cheek. She tried to fight the urge to open her eyes, she did, but once the woman's thumb started stroking at her face, she couldn't help but give in.

The woman was leaning much closer now, blue eyes seeking out her own. For a moment, she thought the woman might speak, but she just shook her head at Anya, pleading blue eyes boring into her.

"You can't say I don't. You don't even know me." Anya let out, trying to add some bite into her words, but she was much more bark than bite at the moment, just too emotionally drained to be angry at this stranger. "Who even are you? I don't recognize you." Predictably, the woman just held her gaze, head tilting slightly. "What, are you one of Finn's friends?"

The woman shook her head animatedly, the lace veil over her mouth swaying almost enough to give her a better look at that part of her face. "One of Harper's?" Again, the woman shook her head, leaving Anya grasping for straws.

She can't imagine many knew about Harper and Finn's affair, but if there was someone, it would probably be Clarke. After all, Finn had broken up with her a few days ago, leaving the woman enough time to piece it all together. And while they didn't always agree, Clarke was intelligent. Enough to figure it out after the fact, perhaps.

"Are you a friend of Clarke's?" This time there was a moment of hesitation, enough for Anya to feel comfortable pressing on that had the stranger not then offered a nod. Still, it left her with a lot of questions. "And what, did she send you here to watch my humiliation?"

The hand holding Anya's squeezed almost uncomfortably hard as the stranger sharply shook her head. The woman took a deep breath, her blue eyes slipping shut for a moment before her hand carefully traced a trail down her cheek.

Anya's breath froze in her lungs as the hand slipped lower, soft supple leather caressing her neck. The woman's palm flattened at her collarbone, climbing over the ridge of her dress' neckline and coming to a halt over her heart just as those blue eyes fluttered open once again.

It was a cryptic message, and Anya's head was much too dizzy with anticipation and uncertainty to understand where any of this was going, but she was too curious not to find out. "Me?" She asked quietly, cautiously, unsure if that was what the woman was trying to tell her. It did seem bizarre, that Clarke would send someone to watch over her. "She asked you to watch out for me?"

Her teeth sunk into her lip as the stranger's head sunk lower, nodding in kind to her question. It made no sense given their history, and yet, maybe a tragedy like this had brought Clarke closer to her than she realized. Maybe the one who could best help her through this betrayal was the one who had suffered it as well.

Maybe Anya had an inkling as to who might be behind the mask even if that guess did seem entirely unlikely.

And maybe, just maybe, her heart warmed at the lengths taken by the stranger to offer her comfort without raising her hackles and defenses to begin with, knowing just who she would have sent away at her first suspicions.

Maybe she had an opportunity to have a little sweetness tonight. Not that the night could be salvaged completely, but maybe she couldn't rule out the possibility of a little human touch.

"I'm not ready to head back into the dance yet, but...I have a limo I rented that's warmer than sitting out here. Care to join me?"

* * *

 

Clarke wouldn't let it show, but she was thrilled that the limo was heated, allowing herself a brief sigh of relief while Anya talked to the driver about something or other. She was mostly covered up in some sense anyways, but her chest felt like it was minutes away from frostbite, and she was positive she could stab someone with her nipples if need be.

So some warmth? Yeah, that was very welcome.

And being in the limo gave her the added bonus of getting a scrutiny-free look at her host, not having had a great opportunity out by the fountain. Not that she really needed one, given how many times she'd been up close with Anya in campaigning, but it was different now. She hadn't been sure Anya had a heart over the past months, but she'd gotten a good look at it over the past little while, and maybe she was willing to admit she had been a little wrong about Anya.

Shit politician, but maybe not such a bad person. And certainly not a robotic ice queen.

So as she raked her eyes over Anya, taking in the intricately detailed silver and black ball gown, the corseted bodice, the cute stole, the impressively braided elaborate updo, maybe she felt a hard twinge of arousal. And maybe the fact that she wasn't unnerved about it would have disturbed her yesterday, but today was a new day, and Anya needed comforting.

Clarke knew that need well, over the past few days, and she was all too happy to help with that.

The sound of the divider rising back up again, reasserting the area's privacy, had Clarke's gaze lifting to Anya's head just in time for her host to turn around. "Sorry about that. Just making sure the driver kept the heat up back here."

Clarke allowed herself a happy hum in acknowledgement as Anya took a seat directly beside her. "I really appreciate what you did for me. I was...feeling very alone and abandoned, and you helped chase some of that away." Anya moved to reach for her hand but stopped a few inches shy, hand hovering, hesitating. "All I wanted tonight was to be with a woman that cared for me...one who'd hold my hand, dance with me...anything more would have been lovely, but all I wanted was companionship. I'd missed that the most over the past month."

It was much more forward than Anya had been outside, which had Clarke feeling a bit wary, but she liked how open Anya was being. She liked seeing how her heart behaved. And ultimately, there was something intensely wrong with how shamed Anya looked after the admission, as if wanting company and affection was such a terrible, selfish thing.

Much like she had outside, Clarke took Anya's hand and lifted her other to the girl's face, smoothing away at least some of that self-deprecation.

"I can't help but ask...you're her friend. Is Clarke alright?" The question was surprising to say the least, and she needed a moment to push away her surprise enough to shrug and give her head a little shake, deciding to be honest. There was no point in lying when the truth was easy enough to discern. "I suppose I can't imagine she would be. As obnoxious as she is, she always did seem to have a kind heart. I hope she knows she deserves much better than Finn Collins could ever offer."

While she objected to the idea that she was obnoxious, the rest of Anya's words were entirely sweet and maybe had a smile blooming on her lips as she offered a nod.  She was still hurting after the betrayal, but she was coming around to the notion that he'd failed her, and not the other way around.

"She must be so exhausted by now. From experience, I know what I'm in for over the next week or two, and I'm already dreading it as I'm sure she did. The pitying glances. The whispered conversations. The verbal slips and rushed apologies, as if speaking Harper's name would literally scald my ears. All the obnoxiously optimistic interventions about how it's for the best and that some mythical 'one' is out there for me." Anya rattled off, practically checking off Clarke's list of annoyances and grievances with her friends ever since her split with Finn.

They all meant well, but the unrelenting wave after wave of awkwardness, optimism, and persistent fatalism aggravated her more than anything else and largely had her seeking the solace of solitude.

Clarke was only lost in thought for the briefest of moments, but it was enough for Anya to startle her, the girl's soft hand slipping under the veil to cup her cheek. "But I don't need 'the one' right now. I'm not ready for that, not after what Harper did to me." Anya murmured, her dark amber eyes warmer than Clarke ever remembered them being. "I just need someone to hold my hand...I need affection..."

Her pulse was throbbing in her skull as Anya leaned closer, feeling entirely warm, pins and needles spreading across her body as Anya carefully unhooked one side of the veil and let it fall, sending a rush of nerves and anticipation rolling through her. Anya had always been attractive, but Clarke had never felt the inclination to act on that.

However, Anya had shown a side of herself that Clarke had never seen, and ultimately, they were both looking for the same thing tonight. So when Anya's nose brushed against her mask, maybe she tilted her head to give the girl a better angle.

"...I need you to lie to me, to kiss me like you mean it. I need you to touch me like _I'm_ the one you love." Anya whispered, lips grazing across Clarke's, offering a tantalizing taste of her black cherry-flavored lip gloss along with the teasing pressure.  With each word, the air around them grew sharper, buzzing with the electric promise of something fresh and visceral, a perfect counterbalance to the pain she'd been wracked with all week. "Tell me, is that so wrong?"

It took everything inside her not to speak, a sole whimper escaping her as she reached up and took hold of the hand on her cheek, pulling it away enough to knit her hand with it. She hoped fulfilling Anya's first need would show her that she was absolutely on board, but she needed Anya to take the real initiative here. She needed Anya to decide if this was what she really wanted.

Apparently, it was enough, Anya lunging forward and capturing her lips, driving Clarke sideways and onto her back across the leather seats. As unexpected as the impact was, it was the fervor in Anya's kiss that stole her breath, Clarke arching up into the girl as Anya practically consumed her.

No one had ever touched her with that kind of coiling passion, no one had ever kissed her with that level of need and yearning, and just being subjected to Anya's onslaught had all sorts of unbidden sounds escaping her as she looped her arms around her host. Even if she knew it wasn't specifically her that fueled Anya's frenzy, the intensity of it all had Clarke's heart soaring and adrenaline pouring into her veins, reflexively needing to rise to the challenge, pulling Anya closer, deeper into their embrace.

"Tell me..." Anya urged, teeth nipping at Clarke's lip as they separated for a breath. Apparently the throaty moan she let out wasn't enough, Anya propping herself up just enough to be out of reach for another kiss. "Tell me, and you can have more than my lips. Tell me..."

Clarke swallowed hard at the promise, saliva pooling in her mouth at the mere possibilities. Her plan had been to adhere to a strict code of silence, but if Anya needed this itch scratched, if it'd help her scratch her own itch, then maybe it was worth the risk.

Still, no harm in adding a safeguard or two for privacy's sake.

"Je te veux..." Clarke let out, voice as soft and smooth as she could manage with her heart racing and blood thrumming through her temples. She brought a hand up from Anya's back and combed the hair out and away from Anya's face. "Je te veux. J'ai besoin de toi."

In truth, she didn't know much French, and had some trouble stringing sentences together, but her impromptu cobbling together of some basic words had a smile blooming on Anya's lips and a rosy tint rising to her cheeks. "You're cheeky, making me work for it." Anya laughed, rolling her eyes. "...You want me?" Clarke nodded in encouragement, only growing Anya's smile with the reassurance. "You...you _need_ me?"

At that, Clarke let her other hand fall away, bringing it to rest over her heart for a moment before lifting it up to press over Anya's. "Je t'aime." She whispered, tugging at Anya's dress a tiny bit. And maybe it was mostly acting, but the joy and relief on Anya's face might have had the tears in her own eyes pooling that much quicker as she gave a second, needier tug. "Je t'aime pour toujours. Est-ce que tu m'aimes?"

A crease formed in Anya's brow for a few moments, amber eyes sparkling as Anya gazed down at her, only to suddenly grow soft as the girl worked out a translation. "Of course, sweetness. I adore you." The girl noted, hand dropping to caress Clarke's cheek, setting her body aflame with need from the touch and the sweet words.

Clarke reached down and placed her hands on Anya's hips. "Je veux t'embrasser."

Anya cocked a brow and dipped down to her. "So sweet, so mine..." The girl murmured before drawing her into another kiss, Clarke adoring the heat of Anya's kisses far too much to complain about Anya mistaking her intentions.

So while she chased Anya's lips when the girl pulled away, she gave the girl's hips a firm smack and gripped them a bit harder this time around. "Je veux t'embrasser. Je veux en tâter." She let out, peering down Anya's body at exactly where she aimed to kiss her.

Anya wasn't slow to the take this time, her pupils blowing, recoiling slightly as her breath caught in her throat for a moment, a strained laugh eventually escaping her. "You want to...taste me?" For a girl who'd been dating another woman for over a year now, Clarke wasn't sure why there was so much shock across Anya's face, but she was happy to see it was mixed in with plenty of excitement at least. "Don't let me stop you, ma trésor."

The pet name had a moan spilling from her throat, long adoring that kind of sweet intimacy, the kind Finn rarely indulged in for her. And maybe they weren't anything to each other in reality, but Clarke knew in that moment that she was going to make sure Anya treasured her time in the limo tonight, that she'd have this to look back on and remember her by at the very least.

Clarke tapped at Anya's thigh, getting her to raise it and let Clarke out from under her. Careful not to rip her dress or put too much strain on it, given the restrictions of her skirt, she got to her knees in front of the seating and cocked her head, staring up at Anya through her lashes as the girl adjusted to face her, all wide-eyed with her chest already heaving. It was hard for it to even feel awkward as she helped Anya discard her panties, what with the fiery intensity and yearning in those molten brown eyes.

"Je t'aime..." She murmured, rubbing her cheek against Anya's inner thigh before lifting the skirt of her dress and dipping in, lifting her mask out of the way once she was safely veiled by the silk and lace. Anya's scent was so damn heady, Clarke's mouth watering in anticipation as she grazed her nose up Anya's already sopping wet folds.

Anya's hips keened into the contact, bringing a grin to her lips, knowing if Anya was already this ready, this sensitive, then she'd surely have the driver blushing by the end of it. She stuck out her tongue for a taste, lapping up the arousal coating the edges of her vulva, a hum escaping her at the sweet, tangy taste.

She was going to enjoy this.

* * *

 

Her masked guest was insatiable.

There was no other explanation for how someone could keep from passing out in the veritable hot box of her ballgown's skirt while eating her out to the tune of four consecutive orgasms, each more intense than the last.

If it wasn't such a novel experience, she would have asked the girl to come up for air, for a few kisses, but Harper had never offered oral, so it'd been a long time since she'd had it. It'd never felt so good, though, and Anya wasn't sure whether that was the girl's technique talking or the ramped up emotions and tensions of the evening. Perhaps both.

Another difference was that it'd always felt like a fairly dominant act to give it, which suited her since she generally loved being in and taking control, but as she sat there, body trembling with every lap of the girl's tongue, every press of soft agile fingers, Anya still felt entirely in control. Hell, being such a passive recipient had forced her to start blurting out compliments and reassurances, not used to purely receiving, and every word only spurred the girl on more and more, as if fueled by her praise.

It seemed foolish and entirely egotistical to fathom it, but it really did feel like worship, and that alone might have been half of what powered her orgasms, not to understate the girl's skill and tenacity, of course.

Anya's hips jolted forward as the girl's nimble fingers dragged against her g-spot, her increasingly sensitive body letting out a strangled gasp as the stranger followed it up with a teasing lick up her vulva so as to not overwhelm her senses. "God, that's so fucking good, darling..." She cried out, having long since stopped trying to censor herself since her second climax. She was paying her driver exceptionally well tonight, above and beyond his usual rate to ensure some additional freedoms; he could withstand a little noise.

Her stranger's tongue circled her clit, and then soft lips pillowed it with a kiss. " _Je t'aime..._ " It was an endearing quality in her guest, and even if her vocabulary seemed a little limited, Anya loved the words. She loved that the stranger never let an opportunity pass to remind her that she was cared for. Harper had never been vocal like that, and even if Anya had loved the girl's gasps and cries, there was something special about being ravaged by a partner's mouth and tongue, and them deciding to spend their well-earned breaths to express their affection. As if the stranger couldn't allow a moment to pass without offering Anya something.

And while she could have done without the French, she understood it was easier to say such words in a foreign language than their native English, where it'd be more steeped in meaning and history, where it'd be more real.  Because the stranger didn't love her, some part of her knew that, but it didn't change that her guest's desire to please her and shower her with affection couldn't have come from nowhere, from a place of complete indifference.

No, someone like that would have come up for air at least once, or taken a break.

Anya felt herself building and building towards yet another crest of arousal, she could feel herself closing in on it as her body buzzed, tingling and tensing in anticipation, her core full to bursting with a delicious pressure, her vision growing starry and unfocused.

"One last time, darling...be a good girl and..."

The door nearest to her opened, Lexa peeking her head in, mouth opening to speak just as she seemed to realize what was happening.

Anya wasn't sure how to handle it, but apparently the stranger had her own designs, her nimble tongue and fingers working at Anya at a frenzied pace, forcing a throaty cry up and out of her as the stranger set to devouring her and toppling her over the edge of her climax, hips bucking hard against the girl's face in search of friction as she felt unconsciousness tugging at her mind.

"I'm just...going...to leave now..." She heard Lexa say before the door clicked shut, Anya's head thrown back from pleasure as another orgasm wracked her body, her stranger dutifully working her through it like the good girl she was, adding enough playful nips to her thighs to keep her awake.

Her guest was a little twisted, perhaps, bringing her to orgasm while being watched, but good nonetheless. It was hard to feel mortified when she felt so damn weightless and wonderful, but Anya was pretty sure it'd eventually kick in.  Having an orgasm in front of one's cousin wasn't something to just brush off lightly, after all.

Lexa was probably just being her attentive, kind self in seeking her out, making sure she was okay after words spread on what happened. It made sense she'd eventually check the limo after searching the grounds. No doubt she'd have a hard time stepping foot in the ball again after this.

It was just a little hard to care about that with a head between her thighs.

Not to mention how sweetly courteous her stranger was, cleaning her core and thighs off with her tongue, being entirely thorough. Still, she figured she could help a bit on that front, opening her bag and pulling a pack of wet wipes from it. "Mmmh, that's lovely, dear. Could you please finish up with these when you're done?"

The stranger reached an arm out from under her skirt, letting Anya place it on the girl's wet palm. Not long after, she could feel the cool sensation of the wipes, her stranger finishing up her work down there, leaving Anya with a decision.

She had a decent idea of who it might be, but she also didn't want to break the illusion they'd crafted. Still, the night was far from over, and they couldn't just stroll into the ball smelling ripe from sex. A trip back home to shower and change might be a better bet.

Hard to keep up anonymity and an illusion with all that bearing down on them.

"Come here, beautiful." She called out, her stranger hesitating and shuffling around a bit under the skirt of her dress before emerging, mask back in place. "Up here on my lap." She added, patting her thighs. The dress would already need to be cleaned, if it could be salvaged at all; there was no harm in some added minor wear and tear.

Her stranger was cautious in her movements, but the girl did as she was asked, turning and seating herself sideways on Anya's lap, those intense blue eyes staring at her with open curiosity.

"Your jaw must ache...let me help." Anya noted, bringing her hands up to the girl's face, fingertips and thumbs gently working over the area. The stranger's eyes fluttered shut swiftly, tiny sounds of pleasure escaping the girl as she massaged away the tension and knots. "That's a good girl...you were so sweet to me, so wonderfully devout. It's important to take care of the special people in your life, is it not?"

Her stranger let out a happy hum, offering the slightest nod against her hands. "I'm glad we're on the same page. Would you agree that it wouldn't be kind to subject the other to a social occasion while reeking of sex?" There was a flicker of hesitation to that question, but once more, the stranger hummed in agreement. "Then is it fair to say you'd have no concerns with me having the driver bring us back to my home for a shower and a change of attire?"

Another nod had Anya stilling her massage for a moment as she drew the girl down and into a languid, lingering kiss. The sheer bliss and sweetness of it all had Anya breathless, knowing she was making the right decision, that she had to pull the curtain away and take a chance.

"And perhaps you could borrow a dress of my mother's for the night. You're about as ample up top as she is, Clarke." She spoke casually, though her focus was intently on the stranger's face.

Those fearful blue eyes snapping open had her fairly certain she'd made the right guess. The girl trying to escape her lap before Anya corralled her, well, that solidified it. "No, no, you're staying put, darling. No need for alarm."

Clarke fought against her embrace again, but Anya's arms kept her all snug and in place on her lap. "Anya..."

"I hope you don't think I'm upset, because I'm not." She stated, stilling Clarke in her arms for a moment, the girl's wary gaze gauging her sincerity. "I'm _not_. If you hadn't come along when you did, I'm sure the idea would have come to me a few minutes later. Finn and Harper left us for each other...who better to seek comfort with than you? Who else was freshly betrayed and needed a little human touch?"

"You kind of hate me, though." Clarke let out slowly, still not entirely convinced.

"I hated that you thought I was a terrible person. And had you come to me without the mask and red hair, I might have rejected you...initially, at least. But it didn't take long for the thought to cross my mind. I had a firm suspicion it was you before we even got in the limo." Anya spoke, thankful to see some of the tension and fear fall away. Clarke always was quite pretty when she was in a lighter mood. "I didn't lie to you. I wanted someone to hold my hand, to kiss me, to touch me...I'd have sought you out for it with or without the theatrics."

Carefully, she loosened her grip with an arm and brought a hand up to cup Clarke's cheek, smoothing away the rest of the concern there, adoring the gentle weight of Clarke leaning into her affection. Anya knew she wasn't the only one in need of comforting.

"And you've been so good to me tonight, darling. So will you come home with me and clean up so we can come back here and show Finn and Harper what they're missing out on?"

Clarke's eyes held a glassy sheen, narrowing as she set her intense focus on Anya. "What they _missed out_ on." The girl leaned in, resting her head against Anya's as a shaky huff escaped the girl. "I wouldn't let him touch me for a million fucking dollars."

The fresh wetness in Clarke's eyes had her tilting the girl's head down, bringing their lips together into a kiss she hoped would soothe some of Clarke's pain. "Neither would I." She whispered as they parted, her thumb wiping away Clarke's tears. It felt like there was a boulder in her throat, but she swallowed it down anyways, mustering the will to act on the night's events. "I won't let him touch you. I won't even let him near you if that's what you wish."

Clarke let out a heavy sigh, nodding against her. "Please."

"Of course." Anya tilted Clarke's head back down again, pressing a lingering kiss to her nose. "Now, if we're to get anywhere, I need to talk to the driver, even if it is lovely having you right here."

A flicker of sheer reluctance flashed across Clarke's face plain as day before the girl nodded and ambled off. Anya had needed touch, brazen molten touch to burn away the betrayal Harper had left her reeling from, but she couldn't help but think that maybe it was different for Clarke.

As Anya got up to inform the driver of her impromptu plan, she made the executive decision to get to the bottom of easing Clarke's heartbreak. For her, some kissing and five fantastic orgasms had relieved much of the sting, but Clarke was still reeling all these days later, and Anya felt a duty to make it better.

Luckily, she had an hour and a half or so before they'd find themselves back at the ball; more than enough time to muster up a game plan.

* * *

 

There was a hammock in Anya's bedroom.

It was like a big cushion, held up by chains instead of rope, but definitely a sort of hammock. Clarke only realized she wandered off towards it when she was within reach.

"Nope, nope...if I get on that, I'll never get up." She mumbled, deciding to get back to what she was doing in the first place, taping herself into the dress Anya had picked out for her.

While Anya hadn't been wrong about her mother, the woman was a bit smaller than her, and that made squeezing into the bustier a little interesting. But maybe she should have expected as much with how Anya had looked at her earlier that night; the girl clearly had a certain appreciation for good earth cleavage.

Not that she could blame her. After the rigors of transition, Clarke appreciated her body, too. She could hardly hold something like that against Anya. So maybe when she finished taping herself into the dress, she rubbed some of her glitter-infused moisturizer across that expanse, figuring in for a penny in for a pound.

The shower shutting off in the ensuite had her thankful, knowing they could get back to the ball soon. Anya had taken forever in the shower, and Clarke was kind of anxious to get back on the road. It felt weird being left unsupervised in a stranger's home, after all.

It kind of felt like snooping, even if she'd been invited. Being so detail oriented, it was hard not to pick up on what she saw littering the other girl's room and fill in some blanks of her personality. The graphite gray and white decor painted a stark portrait that matched Anya's public persona, but the abundant faux fur suggested a softer, cuddlier side. For all the expensive and elaborate crowning and materials, the wood-carved sculptures halfway hidden behind photo frames and jewelry boxes and candles had her thinking Anya had an artistic outdoorsy side; sure, the scented candles all involving some sort of forestry-related scent was a bit of a tip-off, but still. And the stuffed animals nearly obscured by the skirt of the bed offered the image of someone prone to loneliness and dependent on companionship.

Clarke took a breath and shut her eyes, trying to not focus on much more than she'd already seen, not wanting to feel as if she were prying even more than she already did.

"I need you to step away from the hammock."

Clarke opened her eyes as she turned around, spotting Anya at the doorway to the bathroom, eyes blown and face bright with blush and arousal.

It took a moment to process the girl's behaviour before it clicked that she was the cause. Truth be told, she'd never inspired that sort of lust before, as if Anya was fighting herself with every fiber of her being not to rush over and tackle her onto the hammock for a proverbial roll in the hay.

Maybe she was a little flattered as she stepped away from the hammock, closer to Anya, perhaps adding a bit of extra sway into her hips that had Anya's jaw dropping. "What took you so long?" She asked, lifting a hand to Anya's cheek. The girl had apparently covered her hair rather than washing it; probably a good move, given how elaborate and pretty it all was. It would have been a waste to not show it off to the others. "A girl could get seduced by that comfortable bed of yours, or the exciting little hammock."

"A girl could get seduced by the sparkling sweet rolls you're packing." Anya huffed, staring off out her window, clearly flustered as she crossed her arms across her chest.

"Did you just call my breasts sweet rolls?" Clarke laughed and tugged Anya into a hug, grinning at the unrestrained moan that escaped Anya as their bodies made contact. "Babe, you don't need to use euphemisms."

"I was trying not to be crass, darling." Anya answered, taking a deep breath of Clarke's neck and letting out a happy hum soon after. "You're wearing my perfume."

She hadn't meant to overstep, though by the sound of things, Anya wasn't too troubled by her borrowing something from the extensive collection on her bureau. Clarke trailed her fingertips down the nape of Anya's neck, drinking in the happy sounds from the girl. "I hope it wasn't too presumptuous of me. I always wear something to galas and events like this."

"I would buy you a dozen bottles if you promised to wear it. I was never really sure about this one on me...but it's remarkably fitting for you." Anya's nose trailed up her neck, and maybe it was her now that had blood rushing to her cheeks at the tone of Anya's voice. "God, I want to devour you right now."

"I thought we had plans?" She sing-songed, grinning as Anya's grip around her waist tightened. As tempting as the idea could be in theory, it was an altogether different result that would be waiting for her in practice.

"I'd advise against teasing me, dear. As invested as I am in returning to the ball, we have time enough for me to treat you to a five course ravaging."

Clarke took a step away before she realized it, and Anya's warm eyes immediately shifted to concern in turn. "Yeah, uh, good to know. I'll meet you out by the li..."

Before she could even finish her sentence, Anya grabbed her by her hips and lifted her off her feet, hurriedly carrying her to the bed and depositing her on it, the duvet bunching up around her.

"You know, I thought it was a little curious that you insisted on giving me oral for five straight orgasms, with no reciprocation." Anya let out, voice low and smooth, the girl crawling onto the bed and forcing Clarke to scoot away from the slight predatory gleam in Anya's eyes. "And here you are flinching at the mere thought of me giving back. So you're going to tell me what's going on, darling, because we're not leaving here without an answer."

"Anya, come on..." She scoffed, moving to roll off to the side and get off the bed, but Anya was fast, hands grabbing her wrists, the girl quickly straddling and pinning her down. "Please don't make this harder than it needs to be."

Anya leaned down, eyes searching her face for answers. "My point exactly. I offer you pleasure and you act like I've slapped you." Anya stated, and maybe that was true, but she had good reasons. Perfectly valid reasons, and she didn't want to ruin their night by getting into them. "Clarke, maybe it went unspoken, but I thought tonight was about us taking care of each other. I need to know how to do that, and what to avoid...I don't want you to be scared of me."

"You literally grabbed me, threw me on the bed, and you have me pinned." Clarke countered quickly, earning a swift roll of Anya's eyes.

" _Please_ , you're not scared right _now_ , but you were when I mentioned having sex with you. You're going to tell me why." Anya insisted, eyebrows rising toward her hairline, expectation written all across her face.

Clarke turned her head to the side, hoping that staring at the bedside lamp might distract her from how it felt like Anya was staring deep inside her, all her secrets and insecurities far too visible. "Look, I'm fine. It was nothing. Can we just get back to it?"

The lips that graced her cheek had Clarke blushing hard, a reluctant smile twitching at the corner of her lips. "Darling, I know that we've...had our share of troubles, historically, but I'm here for you. I won't hurt you."

"I know." She just barely contained a wince at the lack of sincerity in her voice and made an effort to try again. "I know, Anya."

She didn't need Anya's lengthy sigh to inform her that she hadn't been convincing enough. Anya was always perceptive. "You don't." Anya's voice held a sad sort of wonder, one that had Clarke's body itching under the newfound scrutiny, feeling Anya's gaze wash over her. "You think I'll hurt you."

"You're not a monster. You're not malicious. I know that, okay? Don't try to twist my words." She swiftly found herself staring up at Anya again, the girl having took hold of her chin and yanked her focus back to where Anya wanted it. Except, instead of the fiercely determined expression she'd expected to meet, Anya just seemed horribly sad and confused. "Anya..."

"I want to care for you. I want to protect you. If you're scared I'll hurt you, then please, tell me how to make sure I don't do that." Anya whispered, hand rising to smooth across her cheek again and again.

The caress was lovely, but she couldn't succumb to it. "It's not that simple."

"Well it's a good thing I'm an intelligent, determined woman, then. I can handle complexity, darling." Anya stated firmly, her dark eyes so seductive in their warmth. It was hard to look away, but Clarke managed to shut her eyes in the end.

"What if telling you what you want to know is what'll hurt me?" Clarke asked, trying to be brave. It was clear Anya wasn't giving up on this, at least not until she could be swayed in a different direction. "Wouldn't it be better for things to just...go like they did in the limo? I thought you liked that?"

Anya leaned down and tilted Clarke's head up into a kiss. As much as she didn't want to, she sunk into the embrace and savored it, adoring the pure passion Anya seemed to infuse into every kiss. "I do. I'm simply not comfortable only receiving, and I want to make you happy, I want you to feel good, too. I promise that whatever you tell me, I won't use that to hurt you."

"You won't have to do anything. It's..." She found herself saying before she could censor herself. However, Anya's intense focus was dead-set on her, and why the hell did she have to be so damned cute? It was unnerving how quickly her walls could fall with a simple pleading stare. With a heavy sigh, she continued, "...it's just instinct. Gut reaction. You wouldn't be able to help yourself, and you wouldn't have any control over it, but it'd happen anyways. And it'd be over....and I don't want this to be over, not yet."

Anya stared at her like a puzzle to be solved, the crease between her brows growing deeper by the second, head slowly tilting to the side in thought. "Darling, I know you're a trans woman. That's no secret to me. I'm not repulsed by you. If anything, I have to persistently fight the urge to tear this dress off you and explore every millimeter you have to offer."

Clarke swallowed hard, wanting to believe Anya, but she'd been burned before. In things like this, words meant nothing. "In my experience, there's a pretty big difference in the game people talk and how things actually turn out. Yeah, you know I'm trans, and you seem to accept me, and that's great and all...but we can't tell if you've got some baggage buried deep down until we...you know, get down to it. And from experience, most do."

"Clarke..."

She lifted a hand and covered Anya's mouth, earning an unimpressed stare for her efforts. "I've had a surprisingly great night. What you needed from me...sex...I'm happy to give. I'm happy to help you and comfort you that way. I don't need that from you. I don't want that, because it could ruin the rest of the night, and I've had a nice time being around you so far. I don't want to lose you." She added quietly, trying her best to be as neutral as she could, to push aside the looming grief and disappointment knowing the resolution of this situation was inevitable. Anya was too stubborn not to get them to that point eventually. She just didn't want that to happen tonight. "I don't want to lose this you. The one that looks at me like...like you want me."

"I do. Very much so." Anya murmured, brushing their noses together. "You won't lose me."

"You can't promise that." She snapped, Anya recoiling a little at the sharpness of her words.

Only a little bit, though. "I suppose I can't, no. But I have faith in myself." Anya stated, smiling softly down at her. "Here's my plan for the night, let me know if you want any changes. Okay?"

Clarke nodded, appreciating the initiative, even if she had a feeling Anya wanted to get intimate with her sooner than later. She understood why, of course, and she didn't hold it against Anya. It wasn't coercion, either, since Clarke was under no illusion that this was going to last much longer than tonight, if at all. She just didn't want yet another repeat performance of the past.

"I'm going to get dressed, and we're going to head back to the ball. We'll kiss, and you'll sell me on your health care plan policy on the way over. We'll dance at the ball, talk to our remaining friends, have fun...and when it comes time to leave, you let me know if you want to stay over at mine, or if you want me to give you a lift home. Either way, I'd like to find a way to make you feel good regarding sex, but if you're not up for it tonight, then that's how it is." Anya relayed at length, soothing away much of her anxiety, knowing Anya would be patient, that Anya was giving her an out if she wanted it. "But outside of sex...if you can give me an idea of what you need from me...whatever you need to be happy...I promise it's yours."

It'd been so long since she'd heard words like that, and with Anya staring so softly down at her, smiling so warmly, she found her arms wrapping around Anya and pulling her down to be closer. "I just need you close. I need...I don't know, for you to be...soft with me. Sweet. And close."

"I promise..." Anya started, pressing a kiss to the corner of her lips. "...I will do what I can for you. Whatever you need."

And maybe they were a little later getting back to the limo than Clarke had initially expected, but maybe she just needed Anya to cuddle with her on the bed for a little bit before she could muster up the will to head back to the party.

With how cuddly and warm Anya was, no one could blame her for that.

* * *

 

"...and so the plan you proposed would...specifically for dental care, given everything we know about how services were used in the last three years...cost students a median amount of...well, somewhere in the range of two hundred dollars to access dental care if I remember right. When around ninety five percent of students took advantage of dental coverage, and around thirty three percent listed their amount of disposable income across the school year as under a thousand dollars, that's going to make a lot of kids balk at going to the dentist. So when it'd cost them a fraction of that extra cost to get a more comprehensive plan, one that would give them dental, not to mention the money they'd be saving on prescriptions as I already went over...it's a no brainer. You don't want to put the care of your people at risk just to say you've saved them a few bucks on admin fees. Not when the average student would be paying five times that amount just to keep up with their current core services, not to mention the coverage that would be lost. And..."

Anya rested a hand on Clarke's thigh, her head spinning with statistics and ideas from Clarke's long-winded but thorough research on healthcare. They'd been in the car for nearly forty minutes, and Clarke had barely stopped to take a breath.

The girl's passion for the wellbeing of their student population was considerably greater than Anya had previously thought, given she'd imagined it all to be a performance.  If it wasn't a strict hard limit of the girl's, she might have mounted Clarke right then and there.

God, was she tempted.

However, Clarke needed a different sort of comfort, and so Anya channeled her energies into that, giving Clarke's thigh a squeeze while her other hand reached behind the girl's head and stroked through her hair. "You convinced me ten minutes ago, ma trésor." She purred, wishing Clarke wasn't wearing that mask of hers already. The redhead was cute when she was all rosy-cheeked, and given the way Clarke's head ducked, Anya knew that's what was happening behind the mask and veil. "I'll find another way. If changing health plans will only grant me Pyrrhic victory through hurting my people, I'll find another way."

Hope flashed in Clarke's eyes. "You will? Really?" Anya nodded, her lips spreading into a broad grin to match Clarke's beaming smile. "God, I just...thank you.  You don't know what this means."

"It means I'm taking care of my people, Clarke." Anya let out in amusement as Clarke wrapped her up in a tight hug. One she happily reciprocated, one hand cradling the girl's head.

"It means you're going to remind me to take care of you again on the way back to your place tonight." Clarke murmured, pressing a kiss behind her ear that the lace veil couldn't nearly minimize, almost distracting her from Clarke's words. Key word being 'almost'.

Anya leaned away enough to get back in Clarke's field of view again. As much as she appreciated the offer, and she did if the sudden pooling wetness in her core was any indication, it really wasn't necessary. "You don't have to. I'm just thrilled you'll be coming home with me."

"Are you kidding? Anya...if you keep with our current provider, my surgery date won't have to get cancelled. The dates of my friends won't have to get cancelled. I'm allowed to reward you for making the right call, you know." Clarke countered, and though she couldn't necessarily see it, she had a feeling Clarke was cocking an eyebrow at her. Anya felt her heart rate jump as she pondered the logistics; she'd heard it could be near impossible for a lot of trans people to afford surgery on their own. Now that she entertained the idea of sticking with the same healthcare provider, it was easier to process the kind of harm that a lack of coverage could do to her trans students. She couldn't just leave them in the cold.

And while it hadn't been her idea to switch gears post-election, she was happy to accept some of that gratitude. "Mmhm? And what did you have in mind?"

"Well, a little oral to cap off your night today...and...what was it you kept saying during the election? You wanted to be everyone's first choice? You wanted to prove you're the best choice?" Clarke leaned closer, lips an inch from Anya's ear, only ramping up Anya's curiosity at that little tidbit. "Next summer, when I'm healed...and if I'm single...maybe you get first dibs."

Chills ran down her spine at the idea; she already wanted to ravage Clarke, having an invitation to do so, even far down the line, had her body buzzing. "Just maybe?"

"Who knows? Treat me right and that 'maybe' might turn into a 'for sure'." Clarke fluttered another kiss against her ear and leaned back, a blooming grin on her lips.

"Who knew you could be such a tease?" She brought a hand up under the veil, brushing a thumb across Clarke's cheek. As cute as the girl was as a natural blonde, she was equally cute as a redhead, especially when she was blushing and adorable. "Now we should get going, but first thing's first..."

Anya removed her stole and carefully wrapped it around Clarke, securing the hook and eye closure up front to keep it in place. "...there we are. Can't have you catching a chill."

Clarke just tilted her head and laughed. "Right. That's the reason. Nothing to do with what this dress does to my...what did you call them again? Sweet rolls?"

"Hush, darling." She let out, smoothing her hands over the fur, making sure it was nice and secure given how Clarke's breasts looked ready to explode out of the dress. "But is there really any harm in wanting a part of you all for myself tonight?"

Clarke kept laughing, but got to her feet. "We'll see how you behave."

Anya followed Clarke out of the limo and quickly offered her arm, feeling a burst of warm excitement when Clarke took it, pressing close to her as they made their way back to the ball. It was a little too deep into the night to be fashionably late, but they'd already shown up earlier, so maybe they wouldn't catch so much flak for flaking on their friends for a solid two hours and a bit. Given the circumstances, Anya liked to think they'd earned a bit of leeway.

Entering the atrium was much different this time around, with the lights lowered, music blaring, and there being about two hundred additional people.

Unlike last time, though, Harper was easy to spot in the crowd, almost on instinct searching for and finding that orange mask of hers off along the far side of the atrium, being pressed up against a wall by who she imagined was Finn.

"I see Raven. Want to go over?" She heard Clarke ask, the redhead thankfully pointing to the opposite end of the atrium. It took another second or two to spot Lexa close by the mechanic, looking anxious and tense, giving her full reason to avoid Harper's end of the room.

"Yeah, let's." She slipped her arm away from Clarke's and settled a hand at the redhead's hip instead, hardly needing to apply pressure to have Clarke walking as close as possible to her. As they approached, she could see the tension leave her cousin's body, and that both of their friend groups were largely huddled together, having apparently shunned Finn and Harper.

It was a good sign.

"Anya! Where the fuck have you been?!" Octavia called out above the din of the crowd, before stilling and giving her a once over. "Shit, I thought Lexa was lying. You really went home to change after going on for weeks about your dress?"

Anya looked down at her new one and shrugged. It wasn't nearly as nice as her ball gown, but it was still more than good enough for the event. "It might have gotten a little damaged in my storm-out when I caught the two betrayers together. I thought it best to change, Lexa was right in that." She answered, looking around, seeing a lot of them were shooting Clarke curious looks. "We didn't miss anything else, I hope?"

"Nothing big. A lot of shameless necking from Harper and Finn, but aside from that, it's been pretty dull." Raven added with a shake of her head. "Didn't think she had that in her. Sorry, babe."

"But I see you've rebounded nicely. And who is this?" Costia jumped in, all bright eyed and bushy tailed, focus entirely on Clarke.

Clarke, who was still conspicuously silent. "Darling, don't play the silent game with them, they're your friends, too." She prodded.

Clarke gave her shoulder a smack and let out a sigh. "I was waiting for my turn, being polite."

Anya spied Lexa's eyes go wide as saucers for a brief moment. "Polite. Yes, yes..." Her cousin started, wading over to pull Clarke into a hug. "During the election, you were always so polite and generous in your oral performances, Clarke. I didn't recognize you with the red hair, it looks lovely on you."

"Thank you! I love your mask, Lexa..." Clarke started, a flurry of questions flooding the air around them as everyone reacted to Clarke's presence. She could hear the words, but it was hard to focus with Raven and Lexa giving her knowing looks; for certain, her cousin would never let her live this down, now that she'd pieced the puzzle together.

She didn't get embarrassed, she didn't. It's just that Lexa could be an insufferable brat sometimes, and the last thing she needed was Lexa teasing her and Clarke all night with euphemisms and puns related to oral sex. Especially now that Raven had picked up on it, eyes full to the brim with mischief.

All the prayers in the world wouldn't save her from a night of obnoxious taunting. Still, as she watched Clarke talk and laugh with their friends, she knew it was worth the hassle. Just seeing Clarke happy had her heart blooming in kind, which was already a minor miracle given the incident that started her night off with heartbreak. How her heart felt halfway to mended so quickly was a mystery to her, but she wasn't going to question it much.

Yes, Clarke was worth it. She'd healed plenty, and now it was her turn to help soothe Clarke's heart.

* * *

 

"You know, you'd think that with a place this fancy, they'd have planned to have some food on hand, too." Raven spoke once the blaring electronic music shifted to a slower, more subdued track. "I'm starving!"

"Agreed. Not all of us are so lucky as to have had a nice, low calorie snack since arriving." Lexa added, offering up what was probably about the hundredth euphemism of her giving Anya oral sex since they'd arrived back at the ball a few hours earlier.

"You know, I'd kill for a slurpee. How about you, Clarke?" Raven chimed in, adding on to the already heaping pile of teasing she'd endured tonight.

It was all in good fun, and she could tell they were happy for her, or at least happy she had a distraction. Maybe this was their way of keeping up that distraction given Finn and Harper had slowly treaded closer into their end of the atrium over the past hours; either way, she was glad they were having fun, at least.

Didn't change that it was kind of annoying as hell.

Still, Anya was always being dragged away, often reluctantly, so even their aggravating company alleviated some of the sting of being left alone. "What can I say? I love a good sugar rush."

"I have to ask...how many drinks have you had from her juicebox? How many helpings of peach cobbler?" Raven probed, showing there truly was no end to her love of euphemisms. It was starting to get a tiny bit old, so Clarke deigned to give an answer, lifting her hand with four fingers and a thumb stretched out. "Five?! FIVE?! What, were you literally dying of thirst that you had to eat her out five times? Her? Anya fucking Pine?!"

Lexa was a little more subtle in her curiosity, resting a hand on her shoulder to gain her attention. "Even as her cousin, I'm not certain how you jumped the crevasse between being somewhat enemies and...well, worshiping at the altar, so to speak."

Clarke gestured to the hall leading out of the atrium, figuring that it's where Anya had disappeared to, so maybe she'd have some more privacy in her explanation, and maybe she'd run into Anya as well.

Sadly, the hallway was empty as they left the atrium, but it was slightly less noisy once the doors shut behind them. "She's sweeter than I thought she'd be. Yes, in more ways than one, but not the point Raven." She stated quickly, cutting off her snickering friend's near-attempt at another euphemism. "She was heartbroken after catching Harper and Finn having sex in the washroom, but when I came out to comfort her...she didn't know it was me, but in her rambling, she kept coming back to how sad I must feel, and how heartbroken I must be, and how she hoped I wouldn't be here tonight because I didn't deserve the heartache. We were both hurting...it made a strange sort of sense, I guess, to take comfort in each other. We both needed a way to make it better."

Raven leveled her with an expectant stare.  "Okay, but five orgasms? Five?"

"To Clarke's credit, I think she gave Anya's heartbreak a pretty good tongue-lashing. Anya seemed almost like her normal self, so maybe she did need five." Lexa shrugged, and as much as that might have been true, Clarke really didn't want their conversation to sit on that topic any longer.

"Okay, she's your cousin, so maybe we just...focus on something else. Something liiiiiiiiiiiike what you and Costia are doing for the reading week coming up? Or what you've got in your shop lately, Raven?" She hoped either would bite, but both just maintained their entirely amused stares.

Hopeless. The two were absolutely hopeless.

"I hope you're not giving my date too hard a time." Anya's voice sounded like an angel's in comparison, freeing her from the earthly duties of putting up with Raven and Lexa's relentless teasing. Or, at least a temporary reprieve.

"We're not the ones that needed FIVE ORGASMS. Five? Really?!" Raven stressed yet again, almost bringing Clarke to think that maybe Raven was feeling a little jealous. Her focus on the number really was a little odd.

Anya strolled up to them all calm and collected, leveling Raven with a determined stare. "I'm only going to say this once, Raven. Clarke, cover Lexa's ears." She rolled her eyes, but did as she was asked, Lexa entirely unimpressed but not fighting it. "If you knew what she was capable of, you'd finish every one praying she'd grant you another."

Clarke gave Anya a light shove for good measure. "Don't be crude."

"What, should I lie to her instead? Take pride in your prowess, Clarke, it's well deserved." Anya shot back, face twisting in puzzlement. Because of course she couldn't see that she was only egging Raven on.

"Not helping." She quickly let out, pointing at Raven with a stern look. "Don't you dare, Raven."

Raven just grinned. "I'm not the type to pay lip service. You, on the other hand..."

Clarke could feel her knuckles going white, really kind of done with talking about her oral adventure with Anya, at least with anyone aside from Anya. "I will literally order a pizza to be delivered here if you all stop talking about what Anya and I did in the limo."

"Ooooh, I could go for some pepperoni pineapple right about now. Lexa?" Raven asked, earning a sagely nod from the other girl. "Okay, yeah. Against my better judgment, I'll let you off the hook for now. But can we just go at it one last time?"

Clarke shook her head as she loaded up the Chow24 app and searched for places that would deliver. Only three pizza places popped up, but all she needed was one, swiftly maneuvering through its menu and ordering two mediums, knowing Raven was a black hole when it came to food. She was sure Costia and Emori would be happy to eat any that Lexa couldn't finish from the second one.

"Clarke takes food seriously, I take it?" Lexa asked, voice all airy and dry, clearly providing Raven with an opening, because of course they'd keep going until she had the receipt up on her phone.

"Absolutely. Fair warning, Anya...she's really into breakfast in bed, but she does love take-out, too. Egg McMuffs, espec..."

Clarke waved the finalized order in Raven's face, quickly stilling her words, at least for the moment. She was especially thankful she still had her mask on to hide her blushing. "Done. They'll call your phone when they get here. Now shush up."

Happy with Raven making a gesture to zip her lips, regardless of how smug the girl looked, Clarke turned to Anya, wondering where her date had been dragged off to in the first place. However, Anya's focus was far from her, those warm brown eyes staring off toward the atrium.

"Anya?" She asked, waving a hand in front of her date's face, startling Anya momentarily.

She expected maybe a vague apology or a joke, not Anya taking hold of her hand and melting her with a soft smile. "Dance with me?"

Clarke knew she was grinning like an idiot, but there was one minor problem. "The song's kind of a little intense for me."

"My friend did the playlist for tonight. The next song is a bit more your speed, and this one's almost over. So...may I have this dance?" Clarke could hardly say no to Anya's request, not when they'd barely had the opportunity to dance throughout the night, Anya or herself always being pulled away by someone.

She just nodded her head and followed Anya back into the atrium, the music shifting to a much slower tune almost the moment they stepped back in.

Much slower.

They'd had three dances all night, largely to more moderately fast music, songs that wouldn't kill her feet to dance in, but this was the first slow song. For a brief moment, her body tingled with anticipation, having yearned for something like this all night. When Anya's arms wrapped around her waist, though, it fell away to a cascading comfort, flooding her system with the warm hazy bliss of relief.

"Mmmmnh, thank you. I really needed this." She loosely wrapped her arms behind Anya's neck, loving the gentle press of Anya's body against her as they slowly moved in time to the music.

"I'm sorry, Clarke. I haven't lived up to my end of the bargain. I should have been dancing with you for the past hour at least." Anya chastised herself, and maybe some of that was fair, but it didn't matter.

It didn't matter, because she had what she wanted. "You're here now."

Anya's sudden kiss to her temple nearly had her knees buckling, having yearned for that affection all night, but Anya's arms held her upright. "I am. I don't care what faculty or staff or student organization leaders want to drag me away, I'm not leaving your side for the rest of the night."

"Is that a promise?" She asked, tilting her head a bit to the side, teeth twisting her lower lip.

"It's definitely a..." Anya started before growing tense in a flash, the girl posturing up as her eyes narrowed, staring over Clarke's shoulder. "You have _some fucking_ nerve, Harper. Go scurry back to your boy toy, we're busy."

"I can see that. I just wanted to make sure we're okay...you look like you've rebounded well enough. I think we both knew it was kind of over anyways, so..." Harper spoke, sounding a little too needy given what she'd done. To Anya's credit, she didn't stop dancing with her, she didn't falter in her footwork at all. Her glare intensified, but that was it. "...I just want to make sure we're good."

Anya let out a sharp, hard laugh. "We're not. We won't be. I was committed to you, I loved you, and you snuck off on the first chance you got to fuck that deceptive simpleton." Anya's arms wrapped a little tighter around her waist. "You cheated on me with a cheater, so you both deserve each other, and we're not friends. Just because Clarke and I decided to spend the evening together doesn't mean you and I are anywhere near 'good'."

"Wait...Clarke Griffin?" Harper asked, hardly stifling her laughter. "You hate her. You called her a sanctimonious witch all the time, for months. You'd laugh about how pathetic Finn was for dating her. You know, I take it back, this is clearly just for show and you're so fucking desperate that you're latching onto someone who disgusts you. I'll come back when you're in your right mind again and ready to take responsibility."

Clarke heard Harper stomp off in her heels, vaguely, but that didn't concern her as much as the fact that Anya's body no longer felt safe, her warmth had fallen away to a chill, and everything about being near her felt wrong. For a moment, Anya's grip was a little slack, and that was enough for Clarke to step away and out of her date's arms.

"Clarke, wait." Anya called out as she made a beeline for the exit, knowing the cold winter night was at least honest about how hospitable it was. She'd been deceived too much this week, she didn't need another liar.

A witch. Sanctimonious, she could understand, she was passionate and some had a hard time understanding and interpreting that at legitimate, but a witch? A disgusting witch? Someone only pathetic, desperate people could even try to love?

As much as her heart hurt over the words, she knew they rang true, making it easier to brush aside Anya calling after her.

"She's just lashing out! Clarke, ma trésor..."

The pet name had her spinning on her heel at the doors, nimble fingers unhooking the stole around her shoulders and flinging it at the blonde. "No, you don't get to call me that!"

Clarke stormed out of the atrium and made her way through the garden area towards the driveway. It was starting to get pretty late, so maybe she'd get lucky and there'd be a vacant cab waiting. She could only hope with how the crisp wind bit at all the skin Anya's mother's dress left exposed. She was tempted to just tear it all off, but public nudity and hypothermia were slightly higher on her priority list of things to avoid.

"Please, at least let me drive you home." Anya called out, the swift clacking of her heels spurring Clarke into a brisker pace. Why Anya was chasing after someone who disgusted her was beyond her understanding, but it didn't mean Clarke had to concede. "There's a forty minute wait for an Uber, and no taxis set to arrive for an hour. You'll freeze out here, so just..."

"Just what?! What, Anya?! Hop in your car?  I think I'd be sick if I stepped foot in there again, god!" Clarke raged, coming to a stop at the steps leading down to the driveway. As Anya stated, there was nothing there but the cars people drove over in. She turned to face her pursuer and pushed aside each and every soft emotion at the wreckage of grief across Anya's face. "I'd ask you to tell me everything she said was a lie, but you can't, can you?!"

Anya's head fell, shoulders sinking as she hugged her waist, and Clarke could tell it wasn't the cold that had her rival trembling. Silence stretched on in the night air, Anya unable to meet her gaze, until her rival lifted a hand to wipe at her face, breaking the last bit of patience Clarke had left.

"You're crying? You have the fucking audacity to cry?! When I stumbled in on Finn and Harper having sex, the first thing that crossed my mind was you! I worried about you, not wanting you to see it, thinking you didn't deserve the heartbreak! I came out there to comfort you, so you wouldn't be alone! I wanted to help you move on, and what, was tonight a fucking joke for you?! To get in a few laughs at the moon-eyed repulsive witch?!"

"No, no..."

"Because here I thought there might be a good, sweet person under all that armor! That maybe somewhere in there you cared about me, too!" Clarke yelled, taking two steps back as Anya stepped closer, eyes wet and lower lip trembling. It was almost enough to make her balk. Almost. "I'm not here to be used up, Anya! If you wanted some strings-free company and affection you could have called an escort, because I need bare fucking minimum some respect and for them to actually care about me! Even if there's just a goddamn shred!"

Anya strode towards her faster than she thought possible, eyes suddenly blazing, and as fast as Clarke stepped backward, her heels didn't allow her much agility. The swiftness of being lifted up and through over Anya's shoulder took her breath away, but only for a moment.

"Let me down! Let go of me!" Anya wasn't fazed by her yelling or by Clarke beating her fists against the girl's back. Before she knew it, the limo door was open and she was being thrown onto the back seats, breathless with rage and humiliation, a not insignificant amount of fear sending her scooting to the side, away from the limo door and Anya. "Let me go, Anya."

Anya just made her way into the limo and boxed Clarke in with her arms. "Let me explain." Anya spoke slowly, each word spilling from her lips with firm deliberation. "I sent for a cab. We have forty minutes, so just please let me explain."

"There's nothing to..."

" _You_ made me care. _This_ made me care." Anya grit out, speaking over her with a sense of urgency that caught her off guard. "Yes, I thought you were a fake, a fraud, just out to get popularity points and draw from the significant liberal slant of the student population. I kept seeing you show up for all these events, with all these issues, and you were just so intense about it all. I thought you were faking it, and I hated the idea of someone like that beating me. Someone artificial."

Clarke felt her empathy stirring, but pushed it aside, refusing to be easily swayed. "Great. Because I absolutely needed you to comment on my breasts and how you hate them. Good to know that's why you wanted them covered up. Fantastic."

"I would love to _feast_ on your tits, but that's beside the point. The point is, I thought you were a fraud, and that your whole persona was a facade, and yes, that made me think you were sanctimonious. And yes, I used to have a whole host of mean, hurtful words as a stand-in for you, okay?" Anya pressed, eyes pleading for her to understand and accept her words at truth.

But how could she? "And Finn? Being pathetic for slumming it with me?"

"That wasn't it at all. I could see he wasn't into you, I could see the fake smiles and the bullshit persona he'd slip in and out of. I thought it made you a perfect couple, being so fake, that you were both pathetic for thinking you were convincing anyone. And...well, I ended up with egg on my face, there, because you found me, and showed me just how real you are. How _good_ you are." Anya continued, jaw clamping shut, visibly fighting emotion as her frame shook. "You helped me heal, and here I am, hurting you. I just need you to know that you made me care, you made me know you...and you made me realize all those things I said before are so completely off the mark it's ridiculous, and I'm sorry. You didn't deserve it...not then, not tonight. I'm so sorry."

There were a few things Clarke never expected to experience in her life, most of them were obvious, but some she didn't have to think about because even vaguely considering their possibility was absurd. And yet, when Anya fell to her knees, head falling onto Clarke's lap, she came to realize that maybe this was legitimate.

That maybe Anya actually did care about her.

In a flash, the night played over again in her mind; all the soft smiles, the tender touches, the way Anya's eyes laid the girl's heart bare. If Anya had been playing her all night, she'd have to be the greatest actress on the planet.

Clarke lowered her hands and unclipped Anya's hairpiece, setting it aside and working at pulling the smaller pins free that held Anya's hair in place. "I believe you. Maybe...maybe I flew off the handle back there."

"You're passionate. You feel things deeply. Don't apologize." She thought Anya would maybe get up and move to sit beside her, but the girl remained still, letting Clarke loosen her hair bit by bit.

"It's just I've caught a lot of flak for being myself. Being openly trans and bi. I caught a lot of heat for it during the campaign and I never heard you accepting that about me, so it was just...a lot easier to believe this was all a big sham. At least until I settled down and was able to think harder." She explained, earning a nod from the head on her lap. As much as it hurt stirring all those emotions back up again, Anya deserved the whole context from her. And if Anya cared for her, it was important so she wouldn't stumble into hurting her in the future the same way. Maybe that was a lot of trust being handed over, but Anya was on her knees. She was pretty sure the girl wouldn't willfully betray her again. "You had a point about Finn, too. He...he got kind of obsessed with me, and after talking to him one day, that just...stopped, and it was a relief, but something always felt a little off with him after that. I didn't want to question it. I wanted to feel desired, and he...he could sometimes make me believe it in some ways. Him breaking up with me didn't hurt me as much as the way he did it."

The sigh that escaped her wasn't nearly as covert as she'd hoped, Anya's head angling up swiftly, catching sight of her before she could wipe the wetness from her eyes. Clarke shook her head, proactively hoping to deter a response from her date. "I guess it just...it felt a lot like that in the ballroom, and that's why I stormed out. It felt like Finn all over again, and I guess I just didn't want anyone to see I'd made the same mistake twice, offering my heart up to be someone's piñata twice."

This time, Anya did move to her feet, tugging Clarke's hands enough to pull her up as well. A few questions found their way to the tip of her tongue, but she found herself tugged down sideways onto Anya's lap in one swift motion, answering any real question she had about that, and leaving her heart pitter-pattering a bit faster in her chest at the proximity.

"I'm sorry. I wish I could take that pain away. Is there any way I can help?" Anya peered up at her, the sheer yearning in her eyes hitching Clarke's breathing for a moment.

"Like I said before...close, soft, sweet. I'm pretty simple like that when I'm hurting. If you respect me, and see me as an equal, and you're those three things with me...I'll be back to good in no time." She answered, cuddling up against her date, smiling when an arm of Anya's wrapped around her.

"Then why don't we head back to mine? I can get the fireplace going, get a bunch of comfy blankets, and we can snuggle on my couch, or...in my bed, if you're comfortable?" Anya probed, the question leaving her a little bewildered, trying to recall what she could about the house.

"You have a fireplace in your living room _and_ your bedroom?" Anya nodded easily. "What about cuddling on the hammock?"

Anya just laughed as she picked up her phone, swiping through the lock screen. "It's a little cozy, but also all the way across the room from the fireplace, and it's not as comfy as the other two options. Your call, though."

"Hrm, maybe the bed, then." She decided, figuring if she was to be sleeping over, the hammock could be a nice place to hang out in the morning, watching the sun come up through the window and all.

Clarke resumed her work at loosing Anya's hair as the girl tapped away at her phone. "Just messaged the driver that we're good to head out. The others already arranged for rides when we left the first time around, so I figure we're set?" Clarke hummed in agreement, hoping it wasn't too much of an inconvenience for the others. "And, uh...I was wondering...and you don't have to tell me...but I asked you earlier about how I could reciprocate, and..."

"And you really want to know." Clarke finished for her as she freed up a few small braids. To Anya's credit, the girl did seem sheepish, enough to understand the gravity of it all. Clarke almost admired her persistence. "You're willing to risk this? For sex?"

Anya set aside her phone and pressed a kiss to Clarke's neck. "For _you_. I don't want you to be scared. I want you to feel fully accepted, I want to be a safe haven, and I trust myself to be able to offer that."

As far as reasons went, Anya's were right up there with the best of them, but it didn't kill the fear in her that being up front with the girl would end things on a tragic note. If Anya was going to keep probing for that level of openness, then maybe it'd be best to get it over with sooner than later.

"Give me tonight. One good night. Then...come morning...we'll see where the chips fall." She noted, tugging back at Anya's hair a bit to spur some eye contact, needing to see that Anya was on board. "Are you okay with that?"

"More than okay." Anya murmured, head tilting upward, hand unhooking Clarke's veil once more. The yearning in her eyes was transparent, bringing Clarke to lean down and capture Anya's lips in a kiss, adoring how her date drank her in, arms holding her as close as humanly possible.

That was what she needed tonight, that was what she hoped Anya would be able to offer come the morning as well. She wasn't one to look too far into the future after a single impromptu date, she wasn't about to cement Anya in as a future girlfriend just yet.

However, maybe with some time, and a few more dates, that could be something they'd both be interested in. And maybe Anya could be safe for her to have something like that with. After all their mutual heartache, it only made sense to be each other's comfort tonight, and if that evolved into something bigger, she wasn't opposed.

She'd be patient, and she'd enjoy being in Anya's arms until their moment ended. Like a masquerade ball, eventually the music would end, the lights would turn on, and the masks would come off, revealing their true selves. The betrayal connected them, bringing their wounded selves together, but only time would tell if they'd still be compatible when they were healed up.

For now, she was content to remain there with Anya, cheek to cheek, living her life a few minutes at a time.

**Author's Note:**

> Meant to get this out yesterday night, but just ran out of steam. I had a concept for this fic, but in the end, I more or less just winged it and let the characters take me where they pleased. It's a bit iffy in pacing because of that, but eh, it was kinda fun to write, so I'm not too miffed with myself over that.  
> Anywho, I hope you enjoy my second entry for NaNoWriMo 2017
> 
> (title drawn from Blue Sky Black Death's track)


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